Julien Neaves, Sci Fi Head Writer
Hollywood really loves remakes and unfortunately the quality usually ranges from mediocre to abysmal. And the science fiction genre has not been immune to the remake trend.
For this list we will be ranking six lacklustre modern remakes to six legendary sci fi films going from the uninspired to the practically unwatchable. With an unnecessarily remade SPOILER ALERT let’s dive into it.
#6 The War of the Worlds (1953) vs War of the Worlds (2005)
The 1953 version of The War of the Worlds is the first of several film adaptations of H. G. Wells’ 1898 novel of the same name and is easily one of the best science fiction films in that golden decade of Sci Fi. The Academy Award-winning visual effects still hold up more than 70 years later and its epic scale is nothing short of breathtaking.
And I know what you are thinking dear reader (my mutant power is reading minds through articles). How could the 2005 remake by THE Stephen Spielberg make a list of lacklustre Sci Fi remakes? Now War of the Worlds is by no means a bad film and features some fantastic visual effects and several thrilling set pieces. But between all the spectacle we have to spend time with some not-so-great characters. Tom Cruise’s Ray Ferrier is one of his most forgettable ever and his film kids are even worse. Dakota Fanning’s Rachel is frequently grating, and Justin Chatwin’s Robbie has to be one of the stupidest and most annoying characters ever put to screen. He is angsty, selfish and often puts himself and his family in danger due to a fixation with fighting the aliens. I have never wanted to see a non-villain die in a film as I did with this idiot. The one saving grace character-wise is Tim Robbins’ bonkers basement dweller Harlan Ogilvy but that’s about it.
The remake also lacks the world scale of the original and feels like a much smaller, less epic tale. The deaths of characters in the first film pack much more an emotional punch than the throwaway deaths in Spielberg’s remake. The 1953 version features a climax with the lead couple reuniting and joining others huddled in a church desperately praying for a miracle against the attacking Martians only to be saved by aliens succumbing to earth microbes. It is way more satisfying than the 2005 version with its bland climax and saccharine family reunion including with Robbie (ugh!).
#5 Total Recall (1990 vs 2012)
By Arnold’s bulging biceps the original Total Recall is a fantastic movie! Arnie plays Douglas Quaid (or is it Hauser?), a simple construction worker who gets thrown into a world of spies, ancient aliens, revolutionaries and three-breasted mutant prostitutes after a visit to memory implanting company Recall.It is it real? Is it a fantasy? Who cares? There are tonnes of bloody action (this is a Paul Verhoeven film), sci fi craziness and wonderful performances from Arnie, Rachel Ticotin as revolutionary and love interest Melina, and Sharon Stone, Michael Ironside and Ronny Cox as some fun villains. It is supremely quotable, infinitely rewatchable and just so enjoyable.
Underworld director Len Wiseman remade it in 2012 and sucked all the fun and personality out of the original. Mysterious aliens, Mars and mutants are all ditched for the gloomy, rainy, Blade Runner-esque world of the United Federation of Britian and the Colony. Colin Farrell is serviceable as Douglas Quaid/Carl Hauser, but I doubt he will list this as one of his favourite roles. Kate Beckinsale, however, is a blast as Quaid’s fake wife Lori and her devious villain and the decent action are the only two reasons this remake is not a total wash.
There are references to the original including the three-breasted prostitute and several scenes repurposed, but these are all awkward and reminders of a vastly superior film. The 2012 version does nothing interesting with the material and delivers a consistently generic and uninspired film. It’s not awful or offensive but very much a watch-and-forget-the-next-day viewing experience.
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#4 RoboCop (1987 vs 2014)
The original RoboCop is one of the best films of the 1980s and one of the greatest science fiction action films ever made. Director Paul Verhoeven (second time on this list) masterfully blended over-the-top gore and violence, biting consumerism satire, infinitely quotable dialogue and a slice of existential philosophy. And these were all brought to life with an iconic lead and vile, memorable villains like Kurtwood Smith’s crime boss Clarence Boddicker. Somebody would be crazy to try and remake it, right?
Well, they did in 2014 and it was exactly as you would expect. They ditched the R rating for the mass appeal PG-13, and everything got watered in the process. The heavily CGI-ed action feels like a video game, the satire is replaced by a basic “dangers of automation” plotline, and all of the characters are downgraded. Joel Kinnaman is a charisma vacuum as cop-turned-RoboCop Alex Murphy, Patrick Garrow’s gang boss Antoine Vallon is as intimidating as mouldy toast, Gary Oldman struggles to make his flat Dr. Dennett Norton have some depth, and the usually entertaining Michael Keaton and Samuel L. Jackson are both wasted in uninteresting roles.
The worst aspect of the remake is the story. It spends an inordinate time on Murphy’s transition to RoboCop and we have to wait an hour (A WHOLE HOUR) before he gets out on the street in the suit. The plot is also messy, awkwardly blending the cyborg reuniting with his family, scientists taking control over RoboCop, dirty cops, vengeance against Vallon, politics and Jackson’s unfunny and uninteresting talk show snippets. And the climax of Robo killing OmniCorp CEO Raymond Sellars (Keaton) lands with all the impact of a wet wipe. Few films have done such a thorough job of wasting so much talent. I wouldn’t buy it, not even for a dollar.
Recommended reading: Is RoboCop (1987) a Horror Movie?
#3 Planet of the Apes (1968 vs 2001)
The original Planet of the Apes is a monumental Sci Fi film and features one of the greatest twists in all of film history. It was so popular that it spawned a live action television series, an animated series, comic books and nine more films, including Tim Burton’s 2001 remake. Of all the films on this list, this was the one I was dreading the most revisiting, as I remembered it being terrible. But surprisingly it was not as bad as I remembered.
The prosthetic effects and costuming are still stellar and the music by frequent Burton collaborator Danny Elfman was great. And the performances by Tim Roth, Helena Bonham Carter, Michael Clarke Duncan, Paul Giamatti, and Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa were all pretty dang good. The same could not be said for Mark Wahlberg who is woefully miscast as spaceman Captain Leo Davidson. Instead of a strong, charismatic lead he comes off as bland and clueless. And Estella Warren’s Daena is pretty to look at, but the actress gives all of one and half expressions and has negative chemistry with Wahlberg.
The film’s biggest issue, though, is with the plot, mainly the final act and the ending. After a decent battle of human and allied apes versus other apes, the climactic fight between Leo and Roth’s General Thade got very silly very quickly. Add to that the deus ex monkina of Pericles appearing to end the conflict and Michael Clarke Duncan’s Colonel Attar instantly believing Leo over Thade and things got quite cringe-inducing. Burton saved the worst for last though, as the reveal of Leo arriving in a world where Thade has become an Abraham Lincoln-esque figure (an “Apebraham Lincoln”, if you will) is easily one of the worst and most confusing twists in all of film history. What was he thinking?
Recommended reading: Top 10 Sci Fi Movies of the Last Decade
#2 Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956) vs The Invasion (2007)
The original Invasion of the Body Snatchers is another highly influential sci fi film and one of my favourites. And it is one of the rare films where the remake actually surpassed the original. In case you are wondering (and I left it vague just so you would) I am talking about the 1978 version and neither the 1993 Body Snatchers nor the entry on this list, 2007’s The Invasion starring Nicole Kidman and a pre-Bond Daniel Craig.
The unremarkable title is just the first of many unforced errors in this ill-conceived remake. This version feels like the most watered down of the story because they changed so many things. It is no longer a pod creating duplicates but an infectious spore that rewrites the DNA. The body gets all gelatinous but then gets normal again, I guess. Visually it is okay but plot wise it is boring. It is no longer duplicates that destroyed the host, but people taken over by aliens. Come on. We’ve seen that a million times already. Why change this fundamental aspect of the story? It really reduces the stakes, especially with the ending when infected people are cured and just go back to normal.
The film has a few tense moments and cool set pieces, though after a while it does get to be a bit much. And all the modern rumination about real life wars and politics feels hackneyed. They seem to be trying to make a point about how all our modern problems are due to our emotions, but the treatment is as deep as a puddle. Like a carbon copy of a carbon copy, The Invasion is merely a blurred shadow of the original and due to its bungling of its source material is better left as a forgotten footnote to a fun franchise.
Recommended reading: Revisiting All 4 Body Snatchers Films
#1 The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951 vs 2008)
Robert Wise’s 1951 masterpiece The Day the Earth Stood Still remains one of the most influential science fiction films of all time. The phrase from the film, “Klaatu barada nikto,” has appeared repeatedly in pop culture, from The Twilight Zone to Army of Darkness. Some smart alec decided to remake this legendary film in 2008 and if you forgot this film existed, that’s probably because it was aggressively forgettable.
All the cerebral and nuanced storytelling is thrown aside for a ham-fisted environmental tale with an overload of shiny, plastic-looking 2000s CGI. If you see what they did to my boy, the robot Gort. It’s not pretty. Keanu Reeves plays the alien Klaatu and he apparently interpreted “alien” to mean “robotic” and “emotionless”. Jennifer Connelly gives it the old college effort as astrobiologist Helen Benson, but she is unable to make her flatly written character the least bit interesting. And Jaden Smith is the epitome of the annoying child character as Helen’s eight-year-old stepson Jacob.
The remake is supposed to be a thrilling sci fi disaster film but just ends up feeling hollow and inconsequential. This one is not even worth watching as a one and done.
Recommended reading: Revisiting ‘The Day the Earth Stood Still’ at 70 in 4 Blasts
So that’s my list. Agree? Disagree? Any films you would add? And you can check out more Sci Fi lists below:
Julien “Editor Jules” Neaves is a TARDIS-flying, Force-using Trekkie whose bedroom stories were by the Cryptkeeper, learned to be a superhero from Marvel, but dreams of being Batman. I love promoting Caribbean film (Cariwood), creating board games and I am an aspiring author. I say things like “13 flavours of awesome sauce”. Read more.