Julien Neaves, Editor
Plot: A group of people are trapped in a shopping mall overnight with three high-tech security robots that have malfunctioned and gone on a murder spree.
Review: Do you like shlocky 80s B horror movies with gore and gratuitous nudity? Then Chopping Mall is the movie for you! Originally test-screened under Killbots (which makes more sense as the villains are killer robots that don’t actually chop anyone) and produced by Julie Corman, wife of B-movie legend Roger Corman, the 1986 techno-horror movie is a perfect snapshot of the decade of excess.
We have the owners of Park Plaza Mall deciding to spend a buttload of money on three high tech security robots called the Protectors to keep the lingerie and sporting goods safe, I guess. Said robots go from protect and serve to pulverise and slay when their CPUs get fried by a lightning strike. After murdering their tech and the dad from the Gremlins films (late Dick Miller) they set their optics on pizzeria co-workers Suzie Lynn (horror/thriller legend Barbara Crampton), Allison (Kelli Maroney) and their boyfriends, love interests and friends who are in the furniture store after hours having a drinking and sex party. Because that is a thing people do, apparently.
Chopping Mall proceeds as one would expect. The cool-looking robots hunt and kill the mostly walking stereotypes one by one. The humans run away, make stupid decisions at times and occasionally fight back. It’s just dumb popcorn fun. And I could not help but smile every time the robots dropped the catchphrase “Have a Nice Day” after murdering folks. My only complaint is that the kills get less and less creative and over the top as the film progressed. It’s a minor quibble though. Chopping Mall knows what kind of movie it is and it’s best just to shut off your brain and enjoy the shopping killing spree.
Editor Jules’ Score: 6.5 out of 10
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Julien “Editor Jules” Neaves is a TARDIS-flying, Force-using Trekkie whose bedroom stories were by the Cryptkeeper, learned to be a superhero from Marvel, but dreams of being Batman. I love promoting Caribbean film (Cariwood), creating board games and I am an aspiring author. I say things like “13 flavours of awesome sauce”. Read more.