After 14 years off the air seminal sci fi show ‘The X-Files’ returned to TV screens for a 10th season (we’ll get into the quality in the body of this post). Fox Broadcasting Company Entertainment’s President David Madden and Fox Television Group CEO and Chairman Dana Walden announced that “significant” talks for season 11 are ongoing with stars David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson as well as show creator Chris Carter (you can read more here).
For this inaugural edition of “Judge Screeny” we will be having a case featuring two hypothetical fans, Foxy Fan and Danny Mumbler, with the former defending the new season while the latter while criticise it and be against another season. All will be decided by the sage Judge Judith Screeny. With a SPOILER ALERT for Season 10 let’s move on to the case in session:
Exhibit A – Premiere
BAILIFF: All rise. The Court of Redmango is in session. Case #1011 The People v The X-Files. Judge Judith Screeny presiding.
JUDGE SCREENY: Thank you Walter. Please be seated. We four exhibits to go through. Let’s start at the premiere of Season 10. Ms Foxy Fan please begin.
FF: Thank you your worship.
JS: Your honour.
FF: Sorry, your honour. Firstly can I say how happy we X-Fans are to have the show back? Really happy. And the premiere was just fantastic. Mulder and Scully return to action. An alien conspiracy and abductions. Joel McHale guest starring. It was SO good.
JS: Did you say Joel McHale? The guy from ‘The Soup’?
FF: Yes.
JS: Ri-ite. Mr Danny Mumbler. How did you find the premiere?
DANNY MUMBLER: It was a bit subpar overall. And did you see that alien? It looked like a reject from one of those conspiracy videos. How is the effects worse than it was 14 years ago? And this whole “it was men all along” twist was weird and undercut a lot of what happened before.
JS: So you didn’t like it.
DM: No.
Exhibit B – Episodes 2&3
JS: Okay. Moving right along. Let’s do the second and third episodes. Walter?
BF: Here you go Judge.
JS: Thank you. (Reading) “Founder’s Mutation” and “Mulder and Scully Meet the Were Monster”. Ms Foxy present your defense.
FF: Fantastic! Absolutely fantastic! Founder’s was classic X-Files with telepathic kids and secret experiments. And the Were Monster was hilarious. I really lov…
DM: Your honour…
JS: Did I say it was your turn Mr Danny?
DM: No your honour but…
JS: Then hush your mouth! Okay!
DM: Yes your honour.
JS: Ms Foxy is that all?
FF: The episodes speak for themselves your honour.
JS: Now you may speak Mr Danny.
DM: ……..
JS: Mr Danny are you crying?
DM: (sobs) No your honour.
JS: Because this isn’t kiddies court. This is big people’s court. So put on your big boy pants and give your contribution.
DM: Yes your honour. (dries tears) I just want to say that Founder’s Mutation was okay and I also really liked the Were Monster one. It was very funny and inventive.
JS: Some consensus. I like that. Let’s move on.
Exhibit C – Episodes 4&5
JS: Now on to the episodes “Home Again” and “Baby Lon”? “Babylon”?
BF: Babylon your honour.
JS: Thanks Walt. Ms Foxy you may proceed.
FF: Umm, well…
JS: You seem nervous? Is it my robes? Do you wanna know how I got ’em?
FF: Excuse me your honour.
JS: The Dark Knight? Heath Ledger as the Joker? Come on watch a movie for goodness sake. Back to the show in question. Present your defense of episodes 4&5.
FF: Home Again had an interesting monster.
DM: More like a boring monster.
JS: Mr Danny did I say you could talk? I said Ms Foxy. I did not call your name. Did a stick break in your ears?
DM: No your honour.
JS: Hmph! Ms Foxy please continue. What about “Baby Juan”?
BF: Babylon your honour.
JS: Thanks Walt. Always got my back. Yes, Babylon.
FF: The defense would like to plead the fifth and the sixth on that one.
JS: Works for me. Less time to hear you babbling. Anxious Mr Danny, you may speak now.
DM: Your honour I am not surprised that the defense does not want to speak about Babylon. It is a complete mess of an episode. Imagine a story dealing simultaneously with Islamic extremism, shared dream states and Mulder going on an acid trip and imagining himself grinding in a rodeo bar.
JS: Is that true Ms Foxy.
FF: Fifth and sixth your highness.
JS: Your honour!
FF: Sorry, your honour.
JS: I don’t get paid enough for this crap. Let’s move on to the finale.
Exhibit D – Finale
JS: The finale. Finally. Let’s wrap this up like a roti. Mmmmm. Roti. (pause) Alright Ms Foxy again.
FF: The finale was great. So great! Cigarette Smoking Man was back. A huge viral outbreak. And an exciting cliffhanger with a UFO. I can’t wait for the next season.
JS: Yeah yeah, yipikaye.
FF: I’m sorry.
JS: Seriously? Die Hard? Watch a movie Ms Foxy! Alright Mr Danny bring us home.
DM: Your honour while the finale was not a bad episode it was just too much crammed in. The whole UFO virus story arc was ignored for four episodes and then was completely rushed. We had to deal with Mulder being ill, their missing child…
JS: Whose missing child?
DM: Mulder and Scully’s missing child.
JS: Mulder and Scully had a child? When did that happen?
DM: It was episode…
JS: Never mind. I really don’t care about this geek crap. Get on with it.
DM: It was disappointing. Other than the Were Monster episode the season moved between mediocre and bad. I think they should call it quits because after 14 years we fans deserved better.
FF: You’re not a fan! You’re a troll! A stinking troll!
DM: X-Files apologist!
FF: Loser!
JS: That’s enough! You’re full of bologna Ms Foxy. And you’re full of bologna too Mr Danny. You’re both full of bologna. And I hate bologna.
FF: Sorry.
DM: I apologise as well.
JS: So here’s my verdict – there seems to be enough in this season to warrant another one but I am giving them a warning too. They need to up the quality and cut the crap. I find in favour of the defence. Case dismissed.
FF: Thank you your excellency.
JS: Just get out.
So do you think ‘The X-Files’ should get another season? And what’s the next case that should go before Judge Screeny? I’d love to hear your comments/suggestions below.
For some sci fi TV greatness you can check out my non-spoiler review of “Stranger Things” here and my season two premiere review of “Dark Matter” here. And for more litigious TV reviews you can check out redmangoreviews Monday to Saturday for new posts and follow me on Twitter @suprememango012 for updates.
Julien is outie like a navel. l8rs.
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